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As I mentioned in the last post, I am committing to start on this journey. The inspiration and name for the “Letter Legacy” came from the lovely Karen Stott. (Check out her blog, this gal is amazingly inspirational! I can’t wait to meet her in person this September!!!). I felt the necessity to post the letters here to inspire other people to write letters to your loved ones to document your life and share your heart with each other and with the world. Your loved ones and others out there need to hear your heart. You may inspire something great in someone else!
Dear my sweet Noah,
I can’t believe you’re one year old already! I regret not writing down every thought and feeling I had running through my heart and head before you were born or on the day you were born or the day we brought you home. But, in all honesty, I couldn’t do much else other than care for you, barely for myself, and sleep in between. Bringing you into this world was the most wonderful, miraculous experience, yet exhausting in every way. I never knew what exhaustion was until a few hours into labor with you. Yet, in that unimaginable exhaustion and pain I found new strength. Anxiously awaiting to snuggle you and kiss your sweet face gave me the strength to keep going. You’re the hardest “thing” I’ve ever worked for and I’ve worked hard for a lot of things in my short life. By far, you’re my proudest “achievement” and always will be. I’m sure your dad would wholeheartedly agree. Through my entire labor with you it all felt very surreal, but it finally became real when the doctor handed you to me. I snuggled your warm, plump, pink, naked body against my bare chest as close as I could without hurting you and stroked your wet hair. I cried. I cried out of relief I was finished, you were healthy, you were here, and I could finally hold you and see your face. I guess most moms don’t cry as much or as hard as I was crying because the doctor and nurses asked me a few times if I was “okay” as if they were shocked that I was crying holding my sweet newborn baby. Well, yes, I was “okay” considering I just GAVE BIRTH. Geeze. Not only was I in pain, despite the epidural that must not have worked properly, but I was completely and totally in awe of God’s goodness and the sweet little miracle he gave my husband and I.
You were a healthy 8 lbs and a few ounces and a long 21 inches. I say long because, you don’t know it yet, but your mom is not so tall with a short midsection. Those feet of yours were close to breaking my ribs! You definitely have your dad’s feet, son. I honestly don’t remember a whole lot about the first 48 hours after your birth, but I do remember how excited your dad and I were that you were here and that we were your parents. We didn’t want to put you down. Several times the nurses came in and put you in the bassinet and forced us to rest. Many family members and friends visited us in the hospital. There was a lot of “He has mom’s nose” or “He has his dad’s eyes” type of statements. I got very little rest those days between visits and nurses doing their jobs. A few days later we were blessed to be able to take you home right away. I remember being wheeled out of the hospital, dad putting you in the car, driving away, and thinking “Life will never, ever be the same again. Good.”
There are a lot of details about the next several weeks that made up the biggest blur of my life, but what is really important is that I was so blessed to spend three whole months home with you with very little work obligations. I’m so thankful that I was able to spend 90% of your first year of life right there with you. I saw your first real smile. Dad actually heard your first word, which was “dada”, I’m still a little sore over that after all I did for you, little stinker! I fed you your first table food before you even had teeth. I got your first kisses and snuggles. I saw you roll over for the first time, crawl, and walk. I made you laugh your first real laugh that wasn’t in your sleep. No matter where life takes you, no matter how much you may not like me when you’re a teenager, please know that no one else on earth (except maybe your dad) cherishes you and all of these memories like I do.
Noah, I wonder and dream about the child, and eventually, the man you will become. I see so much in you already at one year old. You’re kind, sweet, affectionate, silly, happy, innovative, and smart. You love music! Every time any song comes on you always have to dance or move to it. I pray you never lose that delightful spirit that celebrates every moment! You love to be read to and pretend to read for yourself. You have a love for books that I have never seen in a child so young. Hold tight to that. A love of reading and books can take you so far in life! I pray you always love books more than tv screens. I pray that your father and I raise you as God intends – to know Him and know how much He loves you. We will mess up miserably from time to time in raising you. I pray you can forgive us and love us anyway. I pray that you grow up to love yourself as much as I love you. Let me tell you now how important it is to love yourself and have God’s love in you before falling in love with someone else. You can never give someone else what you don’t have yourself.
Even before you were born I began praying for God to bless you with a godly woman, if that’s His plan for your life. I pray that she is raised in a godly home that is in the world, but not of it. That she has parents that love God even more than they love her, which is a whole heck of a lot. I pray that she is kind, loving, respectful, strong, a chaser of her dreams, a beautiful soul, and that she has a heart for those who are close to the heart of God. I pray that her family and ours will blend as one and that we will be stronger together. I pray that she supports you and encourages you to chase your dreams, to serve God and others with a willing and eager heart, and that she doesn’t always make everything easy on you. I pray that your relationship with her makes you a better leader, a better man, but mostly, I pray it makes you whole. I know that no matter how much I love you, that it will never be enough. That’s the terrible plight of a mother’s relationship with her son. God creates a gap in our hearts to seek Him and to seek a companion in life. I can never fill that gap for you, Noah. Either of them. So I pray that you allow God to fill His gap in your heart, and for a godly woman to fill the other when the time is right.
Lastly, I pray that you know, deep in your soul, that your life has a purpose. God has already planted seeds in your heart. He has given you yet undiscovered talents, gifts, and passions. Put on your blinders, son, and focus on God and all the good He has in store for you. If you take off those blinders, look to one side, the other, or behind you, the world will deceive you and pull you away from all the blessings that God desires to give you. Set your sights and heart on the Lord who created you and you will be walking in His good and perfect will. Do this, and you will fulfill your life’s purpose, which is to love God, love people, and love yourself.
Love, your momma.
I feel like I have so much more to say to Noah, but that is a good summary of my heart for him for his first year of life. Right now I’m not sure if this will be a yearly thing, or more frequent. It will be yearly at the very least, but I’m sure there will be events that happen in life that will prompt more letters. If you’re interested in reading other momma’s Legacy Letters search #LetterLegacy or #Pursuit31Letters on Instagram and Twitter. If you don’t already follow me, you can find me @JennaShriver on both Instagram and Twitter. I pray that reading my letter to Noah has blessed your heart. Now go bless your loved ones by sharing your heart with them!
Fondly,
Jenna
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Photos of Noah’s first year of life through mostly iphone & Instagram pictures
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