Miracles happen everyday! This guy is living proof.

Meet Brendan, a high school senior and my handsome (not so little anymore) little cousin. Brendan is an amazing young man. He has stared down, battled, and defeated childhood cancer, by the grace of God. There was a time a few years ago when the family feared he would never see this day. They feared he may never enter high school, let alone reach graduation. Thankfully he has beaten cancer and has thrived throughout high school. Brendan is so healthy today that you’d never know just by looking at him that he battled such a horrible disease.

I wanted to share as much about Brendan’s story as possible as an encouragement to other families who may be going through a similar battle, so I asked his mom, Renee, to tell their story and share anything that she felt led to. Below is the story of a mom, a son, a family, who walked a path no one should have to: childhood cancer.

“The most difficult day in my life wasn’t from the pain of childbirth from our now nearly 18-year-old son Brendan, nor of that of his two brothers, Darin & Derek.  It was the day I had to tell him he had cancer.

The words, “Are you sitting down?” are words a mother should never have to hear regarding her children.

The phrase, ‘It only happens to other people’ is something I will never fully believe in again. In August of 2008 our then 12 year old son was diagnosed with one of the most aggressive cancers one can have, Burkitt’s-like Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was stage II. This cancer doubles every 18 – 20 hours.  Before reaching stage III the outlook for a cure is very good, at stage III, not so much.

Brendan should not have survived those 4+ months of searching for the cause of his first lump before he was ever even diagnosed.  God is good.  He protects.  Only God could have contained it the way it was contained while we were searching for a diagnosis.  The medical explanation for its containment just doesn’t quite cut it.  It was His Will that Brendan be cured and as His plan with EVERYTHING that happens in our lives, He had, and still has, a plan for each of us to use this experience for His glory.

The day the doctor called to tell us it was cancer I went through many emotions within minutes.  His voice became distant on the phone as I was listening to the words that only other people hear about their children…..so I thought.   It couldn’t be real.  Just couldn’t.  I hung up.  How do we tell Brendan?  The doctor said to use the word ‘cancer’, to tell Brendan the truth the whole time.  He would tell him if we needed him to.  No, that didn’t seem right, although I certainly didn’t want to do it. In those first minutes of knowing I went through disbelief, anger, fear, then, a peace came over me, an unbelievable peace that I can’t explain to this day.  I was just told my child had something potentially deadly in his body!!  Peace?  How could there be peace?   With that peace I felt the Lord tell me that he would be okay. He just wanted me to lift Him up in prayer during this time in our lives, meaning lift the Lord up in all He was doing in our lives during that difficult time, how He was carrying us, and to praise Him during our time of struggles and fear. And that I did.  The peace would leave me from time to time as I forgot His promise to me, and as the adversary worked his magic with me, but it would return.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The most difficult part of this journey was looking at my son and telling him he had cancer.  What a helpless, awful feeling for me as his mom.  We are here to nurture and keep our children from harm, take on their pain as much as we can and comfort them. How could I do that with something as profound as CANCER?  He sat there, hearing my words, continuing to look at the computer game he had been playing, accepting everything that was being said to him, expressionless.  There was nothing I could do to reach in and comfort him and take it all away.  Nothing.

Brendan has talked very little about this part of his life, as I am aware. He had gotten to the point, before diagnosis, that he was so tired of doctor appointments, poking and prodding that when I told him of the final appointment before diagnosis he get upset with me for making yet another appointment.  As soon as his diagnosis came, he accepted everything in an amazing way, every insult to his body and every procedure they had to do on him.  The nausea would peek at times, medications were administered that caused difficult side effects during all hours of the night, he dealt with some harsh side effects from the chemo and from the sleep medication used to put him out during one of his spinals to receive the chemotherapy in his spinal fluid. Sores were so bad as a result of the chemo during his first round, but the Lord kept them at bay for all remaining treatments. One of the bright spots during his regular spinal treatments was when they changed the formula they used to put him to sleep. He would awake from the procedure feeling so great, loopy and so, so silly. He actually looked forward to it, as long as back pain didn’t follow. We enjoyed those times of laughter. They were very much needed.

It was difficult to see him for the first time without hair, very difficult. I had to force myself to look at him and try to appear like it wasn’t affecting me. It was tough, but once those first few days passed, it was the new norm. It was all a part of the cure. He accepted it like a trooper, at least from my perspective he did. I don’t know what was going on inside of him. His brothers did a great job by keeping life as normal as they could while Brendan was at home. They even shaved his head to get those final unsightly sprigs off. Though I wasn’t there when it happened, I have no doubt they made him laugh during that ‘haircut’.   That helped all of us tremendously. The boys took the 45 minute journey with their dad to the hospital to keep him company and make life feel normal for those hours they would be there with him.

Brendan’s toughest point was when the sores caused by mucositis, very painful in his mouth and throughout his body. The scariest point was an infection that the emergency room doctor informed us could be lethal. That doctor was very much in need of guidance in how one relates to a patient and their parents. This wasn’t the way or the timing to tell us this. We didn’t need to know such a thing, we were already worried enough. He needed to leave that for our doctor to tell us because signs were all good that he was beating the infection. It was becoming clearer to me with each frightening moment how much a Christian leans on God in times of despair and fear, and how strong the praises go up when there is good news and healing. I also look back and remember the trust that was within me even during these times. That peace which passes all understanding once I remembered to kick the adversary out.

The Lord gave us an amazing doctor that worked from his heart, full of compassion and understanding of not only his patient but of the family as well. He answered every single email I sent, and quickly. The number of emails was above and beyond one hundred, I’m sure!  His knowledge and ability to answer our questions in a way that we could understand, over and over again, were a true Godsend. He brightened the toughest of days with his positive attitude and ways of interacting with us. Brendan was one of his first patients and how the Lord worked all of this out is amazing because he was exactly the kind of doctor we needed during such a difficult and scary time.

One of the most touching parts of this trial/journey was when I saw the doctor pause, put his hand on Brendan’s shoulder and his arm, close his eyes as his head was down in silence, then look up at me and tell me everything was going to be okay. They then wheeled him out of the room for a procedure. The Lord touched my heart at that time and I felt the assurance that he would indeed be okay and that his doctor cared so much for his patients.

As for me, the Mom, it was a whirlwind of everything new, confusing, unknown, fear, and questions beyond any I ever thought I would be asking, and a time of being educated.  It was a time of great and complete trust in these strangers that were now my son’s lifeline, concocting the perfect combination of chemo to tackle the particular make-up of his cancer.  Although the doctors played what seemed like a huge role, they were only able to provide a cure by God’s will for Brendan’s life. The Lord guided Brendan’s treatment, guided the doctor’s hands through his spinal treatments, gave the wisdom and knowledge to each professional involved in his care, and the strength for Brendan to make it through.  We literally watched his lymph nodes shrink after his very first treatment. It was working! Praise God!

Scripture was sent my way just when I would need it most. Compassionate people crossed our paths reviving my faith in the human race time and time again. Strangers out in public who had looks on their faces like they were ‘all that’, with an attitude to match, would see my son and the body language and look on their faces would immediately soften when they noticed this little guy who was obviously sick and going through chemotherapy. Compassion bloomed and was so extremely touching to see it in the toughest of people.

We learned of people praying far and wide, in other states, total strangers had him on their church’s prayer chains. Strangers in Christ. Strangers posted to his Caringbridge site. It meant the world and it still does to this day, 5 years later. You have no idea how far compassion and prayer can take someone.

This experience has placed in me a heart to be there for the newly diagnosed, especially for those with a child who has cancer. They need to know they aren’t alone and need to know what fears to expect and what emotions are normal and to be expected even if they don’t seem to be coming in the order one would anticipate. They need someone to listen, someone who has been there and understands.

What’s my advice?  Seek others who have been on the journey you are about to go on if you or your loved one are newly diagnosed. They’ve been there and know what you are going through. For those who have gone through it? Reach out!  Be there for others and share your story so they know you understand and that they can turn to you for support. It will not only help THEM, but you will come to realize that it will be a sort of therapy that you will find yourself in need of as your own trial comes to an end. It can be such a whirlwind of activity that there isn’t time to absorb and accept everything until things slow down and reality finally hits. It can continue to hit in bits and pieces even years out. I think this is where we can find the truth in God only giving us as much as we can handle. It was all there, but absorbing it came as I could handle it. Most importantly, make building your faith and relationship with the Lord the biggest priority in your life, before trials hit because they will come, God tells us this in His Word. This is what carried me through the most. The peace that passes all understanding overwhelmed me at times because finding peace with your son being diagnosed with cancer is just beyond comprehension. It will only happen with HIM in your heart, and it’s incredible to experience. This feeling coupled with the Lord allowing a certain marker in Brendan’s cancer that worked hard at keeping it contained and not spreading through his body are all the proof I need that God is at work all the time. His cancer should have spread through his body in the 4 months it took for a diagnosis and the few months before he told me of the lump. He shouldn’t be with us today. God’s hand was in this. If we had gone with ENT’s 2^nd plan of treatment before diagnosis we would have been another 6 weeks behind in his diagnosis, which could have been the difference between life and death.  The lack of peace falling over me with that doctor’s next plan of action is the only thing that changed that course… all God.

Brendan came back strong.  He missed one season of his beloved football while he was in treatment. He came back stronger than ever the following season, taking down who ever came his way without fear!  He was a trooper and God was the healer.

Psalm 29:11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

God’s will for me in all of this? To be able to now reach out and console and understand what others are going through with such a horrific diagnosis, especially the moms of newly diagnosed children. The first opportunity came just weeks after Brendan was found to be free of cancer as my cousin put a friend of hers in contact with me whose son was just diagnosed. Two strangers talked over the phone for what seemed like hours. God used this difficult time in our family’s life for His good and His glory all the while helping someone else. Meeting with this new friend of mine and her sick son in the very same hospital room I had just occupied with Brendan brought healing to me as well. As we talked about our journeys, with hers just beginning, there was the beginning of a sort of healing for me in dealing with the realities we had just been through. It does seem to continue to hit you deeper and deeper when all is finished, and there was comfort for her to know she wasn’t alone and to know firsthand that what she as ‘Mom’ was going through was normal and to be expected. I let her know what might come down the road for her emotionally as well. This must be God’s plan indeed. When her son was released with his cancer-free diagnosis, we then found out about one of Brendan’s former teammate’s diagnosis, and together my new friend and I went to visit them and offered support to his mother. God continues working through this journey. It’s not US, it’s only Him working through us, as we allow Him to do so.

It’s still a healing process to this very day. It was traumatic to say the least. I have found that God continues to heal me as I follow His will through this entire journey. As I reach out to those suffering with fear during their child’s treatment, post-chemo yearly testing, new complaints and fears when their child says they don’t feel well. Here there is a bond. An understanding between us of the fear and worry that runs through our hearts. This is ‘walking the walk’: thanking God and praising Him during our times of trouble and trials. He has a plan.

My hope and prayer is that someday Brendan, and hopefully his brothers as well, will use this trial in our lives for God’s glory and be able to truly recognize it for what it is.

Thank you Renee for sharing your side of Brendan’s story as his Mom. Your heart to encourage and lift up others going through similar battles is an inspiration!

Brendan, with all that you’ve already overcome… you can do anything you set your mind to! I’m blessed that you all are my family and thankful for the opportunity to capture this VERY special moment in Brendan’s life.